New York, New York

Well, I haven't blogged in a long while - but I have a good excuse! You see, I have just been in New York for the past week! I didn't get a chance to journal or blog very much because we were very busy, but I guess I'll share a few highlights now. We just got back this past Saturday after a long drive through the night. It didn't feel that long to me though because I slept most of the way home - I was just so tired after a week with kindergartners.
I went to New York with a group from Calvary and we were there to help with Vacation Bible School at a church called New Life Fellowship in Queens. This VBS was both really frustrating and really fun. It was frustrating because it was not very organized, at all - the schedule changed every day and often we would have time over lap with other groups of kids in the different areas. So we would end up with 20 kindergartners and 30 3&4 year olds running around while we try desperately to keep them seperated. But, despite the chaos, it was also fun because the kids were so loveable and we spent our "work" days playing with 5-year-olds.
I learned that while I do have skills to manage large groups of little children, this is not something I could do long term. By the end of one week, I was very excited to be done with that responsibility. I definitely prefer one-on-one or small group interactions with little kids over large groups of organized chaos. My favorite times were the moments when I could really connect with an individual child - children are so wise in their simple ways. They can teach us a lot if we really listen.
We also had a lot of free time in New York since the VBS only went to 1:00. So I also have a great time getting to know New York CIty. I've never really liked cities - I've always thought they were too dirty and crowded. But this week, I found a few things that I liked. I really enjoyed riding the Subway trains, actually. It was a chance to see people in the most everyday moments of their lives. It was also a chance to share joy with them in the simplest of ways - smiling. I loved seeing people light up just a little when I could share a smile with them -one they weren't expecting. I so often miss opportunities like this for little acts of love at home. I think this is because I am just so used to everything. So, it was wonderful to go to a new place and see the world with fresh eyes.
I really did have a fantastic trip, and I hope I can make it back to New York some day!

Respectable Activism: Burnout

I think one of the things I will have to guard most fiercely against for my whole life is the idea Coop told the Jubilee Fellows about Respectable activism. This is the idea that our worth is measured by how many good things we can accomplish and this drive to fill our lives to the brim with doing good things. I am kind of a goal-oriented person, so I love the feeling of accomplishing something. But in ministry, or any occupation really, measuring worth and success by how much we can get done will only lead to burn out. I'm not even out of school yet, but I know I have already experienced burnout at different times in my life to varying degrees.
I want to learn to find joy and fulfillment in my work even when it doesn't feel like I am really getting something done. Or, even when it doesn't feel like I am accomplishing my goals. After a long holiday weekend where I was able to find rest, I feel so much more ready to come to the church and spend my week giving my best to the work I do, even when it doesn't feel like I am accomplishing very much. Perhaps the real trick is learning to find rest - this is what I seek.
On another note, I am getting excited and a bit anxious for our upcoming mission trip to New York. We leave Saturday and it will be a week full of new experiences for me. I pray that God will prepare me for the work we will be doing there, and also that he will open my heart to learn through the children and the people I will be working with. I think this will be a wonderful experience and a good week for me this summer in this time in my life.

Conversations with 3-year-olds

This past Sunday, I had the delightful experience of working with the 3-5 year old children in their summer program. Now I have spent about 5 years of my life working with young kids in the church, but I don't know that I've ever interacted with them for an hour and a half at a time - usually I just lead singing for 15-30 minutes. So, it was fun to be with these kids during the entire church service. It always amazes me how much energy and attitude children only 3 years out of the womb can have. And it also amazes me what a short attention span they have. But despite their craziness, there is always something so lovable and endearing about them. (Although I am very happy with Nathan and my decision to wait at least 4 or 5 years before having children.) :)
Anyway, I got to lead the kids through pay time, singing, a bible story, and a couple group games. I was most impressed with their engagement in the singing. Even though they didn't know the songs at all and couldn't read the words, they enthusiastically did all the motions with me, which I randomly made up on the spot, and they gave their best shot at clapping too.
There was one little boy who talked just like Stewart from the MAD tv skits.... if any of you know what I'm talking about. We'd ask him to please come over the circle and sit down and he'd say "NOOoooo" in a funny high pitched, breathy voice. (Nick, this voice also reminded me of the funny little voice you often make) He also got into quite a fight with a little girl who, when they were playing with the beaver puppets, would not acknowledge that her beaver, was, in fact, his beaver's mother. She would only growl at him. Sometimes I had to hold back a chuckle, and sometimes I didn't worry about holding it back. I know little kids can be frustrating, but I really do enjoy them. I'm looking forward to working more directly with the kids over the next couple Sundays and when we have VBS at the end of my internship. I think it will be great fun.
On another note, today I'm meeting with Kary, and I think that will also be delightful.

Funeral

Well, today I sang for a funeral kind of last minute - I only learned yesterday afternoon that I would be doing this. It was interesting because, while the old man who died had been marginally religious, none of his family was. It was a very very small gathering, maybe 20 to 30 people. They picked 3 old old hymns that the family said we favorites of the man who died. But, leading from the front, I could tell that everyone there either didn't know the songs or just didn't care to sing them. I could tell that pastor Steve had a hard time puting together a message and service that could be meaningful to these people when, from the looks of things, they did not share in the hope that we have. The whole service was less than half an hour because no one came up to say anything and there wasn't a slide show or a video or anything. I guess it was just kind of sad for me to see this. I hope that when I die I can leave behind more of a legacy, and also hope for the friends and family that I leave behind.

Spiritual Gifts

I just have a minute,
But I wanted to share that I took a Spiritual Gifts assessment test and I am excited about my result. Here are my top 4 spiritual gifts:

1. Administration - to pilot or steer a ship, my strengths and traits in this include:
-Developing strategies or plans to reach identified goals
-Assisting ministries or organizations to become more effective and efficient
- Creating order out of organizational chaos
- Through, Objective, Responsible, Organized, Goal-Oriented, Efficient, Conscientious

2. Creative Communication - to communicate artistically
-Use the arts to communicate God's truth
- Develope and use artistic skills such as drama, writing, art, music, etc..
- Use variety and creativity to captivate people and cause them to consider Christ's message
- Challenge people's perspective of God through various forms of the arts
- Demonstrate fresh ways to express the Lord's ministry and message
- Expressive, Imaginative, Idea-Oriented, Artistic, Creative, Unconventional, Sensitive

3. Hospitality - to love strangers
- Provide an environment where people feel valued and cared for.
- Meet new people and help them to feel welcomed
- Create a safe and comfortable setting where relationships can develope
- Seek ways to connect people together into meaningful relationships
- Set people at ease in unfamiliar surroundings
- Friendly, Gracious, Inviting, Trusting, Caring, Responsive, Warm

4.Teaching - to instruct
- Communicate Biblical truth that inspires greater obedience to the Word
- Challenge listeners simply and practically with truths of scripture
- Present the whole counsel of God for maximum life change
- Give attention to detail and accuracy
- Prepare through extended times of study and reflection
- Disciplined, Perceptive, Teachable, Authoritative, Practical, Analytical, Articulate

I just think it is interesting that some aspects of these gifts are so obviously apparent in my very nature. Others, not so much, but I think that is natural since these gifts can perfectly describe any one person. Each person has a different mix. But, it was encouraging and empowering for me just to think about this for a while. Cool.

Time flies!

Wow, I can't believe how quickly time is flying by this summer. I am already beginning my 4th week of this internship and that means I am almost half way! I feel very good about what I've learned and the experiences I've already had in my time here. So far, this summer has been very refreshing. The other interns here at Calvary started last week, but they are on a mission trip this weeki, so it is just me again with all the staffers. In some ways I'm kind of glad because, while I am beginning to find my place with the staff, I'm not yet sure where I belong and what my role is with these other, younger, interns.
We have some exciting things coming up at Calvary that I am just beginning to prepare for. In about three weeks I'm going on a mission trip to New York, for which I am both nervous and excited since I've never been there before and I don't know any of the people going on the trip. Calvary is also beginning preparations for their big Vacation Bible school that they do every summer. This wont take place until my last week here, but there are already starting to get ready for it.
I'm still working on those spiritual disciplines. I wish I had someone to kind of push me and walk with me through this. I miss some of the conversations I used to have with my fellow Worship Apprentices. There was something so beautiful about having a group of college students, all about the same age, in about the same place spiritually, to talk to. It just seems like many of the adults here just can't relate to me on that level. I also miss our weekly meetings and conversations with the other Jubilee fellows. There was a depth there that I think is very rare. But I am grateful for the time I did have and the conversations I did get to be part of. I just want to find ways and people to help me continue to grow.

Starting to fit in

After almost two and a half weeks at Calvary, it seems I am finally starting to find my place here. I still struggle sometimes to find enough work to keep me busy all day, but at least now they've given me more freedom with how to use that time. I take the first hour every morning to myself for quiet time, reading and reflection. This is such a gift, I hope this experience will help me to keep this as a priority and schedule into my own time when it is no longer part of my work. I had a good chat with my mentor, Cindy, last Friday and we talked a lot about spiritual disciplines. She was very encouraging to me and also very truthful in saying that these disciplines are a life-long growing process. It seems like we are rarely where we want to be as far as spiritual maturity and discipline. Sometime I get discouraged because I weigh myself against other Christians who seem to be so much farther along than I am. I guess it is good to have positive models in our lives, but I think it is also good to realize that that kind of discipline does not happen over night. I know I have a long way to go, but it is encouraging to see that I've already made progress this summer.
On a completely different note, we had staff lunch yesterday and I don't remember how, but the conversation drifted to talking about Catholicism and Catholic worship practices. I was really surprised by the obvious disdain with which all these ministry leaders looked upon Catholicism. They were laughing somewhat condescendingly at chant practices and how they do communion. Now, they were referring to some really old fundamentalist Catholic churches, but still, there was no respect. I guess I was just surprised because I had a very close Catholic friend in high school and have learned to have a certain respect for this denomination, even in my Christian worship class with Dr. Witvliet. I know that Catholics have some strange ideas, but they have a lot of really good ones too. And I think many of their worship practices, if properly understood are things we CRC people could really use in our churches. I wasn't sure how to respond when the conversation took this turn, so I just listened, but I think I might ask my mentor about it later this week, because the attitude of all these Christian people toward other Christian people really bothered me.
And one last entirely different thought.... I still spend a lot of my time here doing busy work like cutting papers, filling church mail boxes, sealing envelopes, etc... Now I don't mind doing this work, it is nice to feel useful, but I have found that these are not the most fulfilling times of my day. The most fulfilling times are the hour or two each day when I get to be part of a conversation that has real spiritual significance or just when I get to work directly with people. Maybe one thing I am learning is that I an even more of a people person than I always thought.... maybe I am more of a pastor than I always thought... Everyone needs time along, certainly, but as a great deal of the work I've done here has been kind of quiet and on my own, I'm really learning to treasure the time I get to spend with people. I'm looking forward to the vacation Bible schools and service work I will be doing later this summer where I'll get to work directly with people all day. :)
Thank you God for the rays of sunshine that break through the clouds!