New York, New York

Well, I haven't blogged in a long while - but I have a good excuse! You see, I have just been in New York for the past week! I didn't get a chance to journal or blog very much because we were very busy, but I guess I'll share a few highlights now. We just got back this past Saturday after a long drive through the night. It didn't feel that long to me though because I slept most of the way home - I was just so tired after a week with kindergartners.
I went to New York with a group from Calvary and we were there to help with Vacation Bible School at a church called New Life Fellowship in Queens. This VBS was both really frustrating and really fun. It was frustrating because it was not very organized, at all - the schedule changed every day and often we would have time over lap with other groups of kids in the different areas. So we would end up with 20 kindergartners and 30 3&4 year olds running around while we try desperately to keep them seperated. But, despite the chaos, it was also fun because the kids were so loveable and we spent our "work" days playing with 5-year-olds.
I learned that while I do have skills to manage large groups of little children, this is not something I could do long term. By the end of one week, I was very excited to be done with that responsibility. I definitely prefer one-on-one or small group interactions with little kids over large groups of organized chaos. My favorite times were the moments when I could really connect with an individual child - children are so wise in their simple ways. They can teach us a lot if we really listen.
We also had a lot of free time in New York since the VBS only went to 1:00. So I also have a great time getting to know New York CIty. I've never really liked cities - I've always thought they were too dirty and crowded. But this week, I found a few things that I liked. I really enjoyed riding the Subway trains, actually. It was a chance to see people in the most everyday moments of their lives. It was also a chance to share joy with them in the simplest of ways - smiling. I loved seeing people light up just a little when I could share a smile with them -one they weren't expecting. I so often miss opportunities like this for little acts of love at home. I think this is because I am just so used to everything. So, it was wonderful to go to a new place and see the world with fresh eyes.
I really did have a fantastic trip, and I hope I can make it back to New York some day!

Respectable Activism: Burnout

I think one of the things I will have to guard most fiercely against for my whole life is the idea Coop told the Jubilee Fellows about Respectable activism. This is the idea that our worth is measured by how many good things we can accomplish and this drive to fill our lives to the brim with doing good things. I am kind of a goal-oriented person, so I love the feeling of accomplishing something. But in ministry, or any occupation really, measuring worth and success by how much we can get done will only lead to burn out. I'm not even out of school yet, but I know I have already experienced burnout at different times in my life to varying degrees.
I want to learn to find joy and fulfillment in my work even when it doesn't feel like I am really getting something done. Or, even when it doesn't feel like I am accomplishing my goals. After a long holiday weekend where I was able to find rest, I feel so much more ready to come to the church and spend my week giving my best to the work I do, even when it doesn't feel like I am accomplishing very much. Perhaps the real trick is learning to find rest - this is what I seek.
On another note, I am getting excited and a bit anxious for our upcoming mission trip to New York. We leave Saturday and it will be a week full of new experiences for me. I pray that God will prepare me for the work we will be doing there, and also that he will open my heart to learn through the children and the people I will be working with. I think this will be a wonderful experience and a good week for me this summer in this time in my life.