Conversations with 3-year-olds

This past Sunday, I had the delightful experience of working with the 3-5 year old children in their summer program. Now I have spent about 5 years of my life working with young kids in the church, but I don't know that I've ever interacted with them for an hour and a half at a time - usually I just lead singing for 15-30 minutes. So, it was fun to be with these kids during the entire church service. It always amazes me how much energy and attitude children only 3 years out of the womb can have. And it also amazes me what a short attention span they have. But despite their craziness, there is always something so lovable and endearing about them. (Although I am very happy with Nathan and my decision to wait at least 4 or 5 years before having children.) :)
Anyway, I got to lead the kids through pay time, singing, a bible story, and a couple group games. I was most impressed with their engagement in the singing. Even though they didn't know the songs at all and couldn't read the words, they enthusiastically did all the motions with me, which I randomly made up on the spot, and they gave their best shot at clapping too.
There was one little boy who talked just like Stewart from the MAD tv skits.... if any of you know what I'm talking about. We'd ask him to please come over the circle and sit down and he'd say "NOOoooo" in a funny high pitched, breathy voice. (Nick, this voice also reminded me of the funny little voice you often make) He also got into quite a fight with a little girl who, when they were playing with the beaver puppets, would not acknowledge that her beaver, was, in fact, his beaver's mother. She would only growl at him. Sometimes I had to hold back a chuckle, and sometimes I didn't worry about holding it back. I know little kids can be frustrating, but I really do enjoy them. I'm looking forward to working more directly with the kids over the next couple Sundays and when we have VBS at the end of my internship. I think it will be great fun.
On another note, today I'm meeting with Kary, and I think that will also be delightful.

Funeral

Well, today I sang for a funeral kind of last minute - I only learned yesterday afternoon that I would be doing this. It was interesting because, while the old man who died had been marginally religious, none of his family was. It was a very very small gathering, maybe 20 to 30 people. They picked 3 old old hymns that the family said we favorites of the man who died. But, leading from the front, I could tell that everyone there either didn't know the songs or just didn't care to sing them. I could tell that pastor Steve had a hard time puting together a message and service that could be meaningful to these people when, from the looks of things, they did not share in the hope that we have. The whole service was less than half an hour because no one came up to say anything and there wasn't a slide show or a video or anything. I guess it was just kind of sad for me to see this. I hope that when I die I can leave behind more of a legacy, and also hope for the friends and family that I leave behind.

Spiritual Gifts

I just have a minute,
But I wanted to share that I took a Spiritual Gifts assessment test and I am excited about my result. Here are my top 4 spiritual gifts:

1. Administration - to pilot or steer a ship, my strengths and traits in this include:
-Developing strategies or plans to reach identified goals
-Assisting ministries or organizations to become more effective and efficient
- Creating order out of organizational chaos
- Through, Objective, Responsible, Organized, Goal-Oriented, Efficient, Conscientious

2. Creative Communication - to communicate artistically
-Use the arts to communicate God's truth
- Develope and use artistic skills such as drama, writing, art, music, etc..
- Use variety and creativity to captivate people and cause them to consider Christ's message
- Challenge people's perspective of God through various forms of the arts
- Demonstrate fresh ways to express the Lord's ministry and message
- Expressive, Imaginative, Idea-Oriented, Artistic, Creative, Unconventional, Sensitive

3. Hospitality - to love strangers
- Provide an environment where people feel valued and cared for.
- Meet new people and help them to feel welcomed
- Create a safe and comfortable setting where relationships can develope
- Seek ways to connect people together into meaningful relationships
- Set people at ease in unfamiliar surroundings
- Friendly, Gracious, Inviting, Trusting, Caring, Responsive, Warm

4.Teaching - to instruct
- Communicate Biblical truth that inspires greater obedience to the Word
- Challenge listeners simply and practically with truths of scripture
- Present the whole counsel of God for maximum life change
- Give attention to detail and accuracy
- Prepare through extended times of study and reflection
- Disciplined, Perceptive, Teachable, Authoritative, Practical, Analytical, Articulate

I just think it is interesting that some aspects of these gifts are so obviously apparent in my very nature. Others, not so much, but I think that is natural since these gifts can perfectly describe any one person. Each person has a different mix. But, it was encouraging and empowering for me just to think about this for a while. Cool.

Time flies!

Wow, I can't believe how quickly time is flying by this summer. I am already beginning my 4th week of this internship and that means I am almost half way! I feel very good about what I've learned and the experiences I've already had in my time here. So far, this summer has been very refreshing. The other interns here at Calvary started last week, but they are on a mission trip this weeki, so it is just me again with all the staffers. In some ways I'm kind of glad because, while I am beginning to find my place with the staff, I'm not yet sure where I belong and what my role is with these other, younger, interns.
We have some exciting things coming up at Calvary that I am just beginning to prepare for. In about three weeks I'm going on a mission trip to New York, for which I am both nervous and excited since I've never been there before and I don't know any of the people going on the trip. Calvary is also beginning preparations for their big Vacation Bible school that they do every summer. This wont take place until my last week here, but there are already starting to get ready for it.
I'm still working on those spiritual disciplines. I wish I had someone to kind of push me and walk with me through this. I miss some of the conversations I used to have with my fellow Worship Apprentices. There was something so beautiful about having a group of college students, all about the same age, in about the same place spiritually, to talk to. It just seems like many of the adults here just can't relate to me on that level. I also miss our weekly meetings and conversations with the other Jubilee fellows. There was a depth there that I think is very rare. But I am grateful for the time I did have and the conversations I did get to be part of. I just want to find ways and people to help me continue to grow.

Starting to fit in

After almost two and a half weeks at Calvary, it seems I am finally starting to find my place here. I still struggle sometimes to find enough work to keep me busy all day, but at least now they've given me more freedom with how to use that time. I take the first hour every morning to myself for quiet time, reading and reflection. This is such a gift, I hope this experience will help me to keep this as a priority and schedule into my own time when it is no longer part of my work. I had a good chat with my mentor, Cindy, last Friday and we talked a lot about spiritual disciplines. She was very encouraging to me and also very truthful in saying that these disciplines are a life-long growing process. It seems like we are rarely where we want to be as far as spiritual maturity and discipline. Sometime I get discouraged because I weigh myself against other Christians who seem to be so much farther along than I am. I guess it is good to have positive models in our lives, but I think it is also good to realize that that kind of discipline does not happen over night. I know I have a long way to go, but it is encouraging to see that I've already made progress this summer.
On a completely different note, we had staff lunch yesterday and I don't remember how, but the conversation drifted to talking about Catholicism and Catholic worship practices. I was really surprised by the obvious disdain with which all these ministry leaders looked upon Catholicism. They were laughing somewhat condescendingly at chant practices and how they do communion. Now, they were referring to some really old fundamentalist Catholic churches, but still, there was no respect. I guess I was just surprised because I had a very close Catholic friend in high school and have learned to have a certain respect for this denomination, even in my Christian worship class with Dr. Witvliet. I know that Catholics have some strange ideas, but they have a lot of really good ones too. And I think many of their worship practices, if properly understood are things we CRC people could really use in our churches. I wasn't sure how to respond when the conversation took this turn, so I just listened, but I think I might ask my mentor about it later this week, because the attitude of all these Christian people toward other Christian people really bothered me.
And one last entirely different thought.... I still spend a lot of my time here doing busy work like cutting papers, filling church mail boxes, sealing envelopes, etc... Now I don't mind doing this work, it is nice to feel useful, but I have found that these are not the most fulfilling times of my day. The most fulfilling times are the hour or two each day when I get to be part of a conversation that has real spiritual significance or just when I get to work directly with people. Maybe one thing I am learning is that I an even more of a people person than I always thought.... maybe I am more of a pastor than I always thought... Everyone needs time along, certainly, but as a great deal of the work I've done here has been kind of quiet and on my own, I'm really learning to treasure the time I get to spend with people. I'm looking forward to the vacation Bible schools and service work I will be doing later this summer where I'll get to work directly with people all day. :)
Thank you God for the rays of sunshine that break through the clouds!

The breakthrough

Hoorah everyone, today is so much better.
I worked things out with my mom, so in case you were worrying about me, things are on the mend! And, I learned something too!
While talking with my mom, I realized that one of the biggest struggles that was bothering me most deep inside was that hideous feeling that I was just a robot doing the work I can do and completely missing out on the communal interactions and love that should go along with our work - both in the home and at my internship. Maybe I was just having a rough couple days, because in a matter of 24 hours, that feeling has much alleviated itself. I know that I sometimes have a hard time opening up to people right away, I mean really opening up, not just being friendly. So, I'm trying to push past that to jump start some of my relationships at work.
One of the things I found frustrating at Calvary was that I felt like people didn't have time for me. They didn't have time to find work for me, or to just sit down and talk to me. But, I realized that that isn't true - the main problem was that I wasn't allowing them to give me time because it made me feel guilty for some strange reason. So, I have to keep telling myself that I am worth their time. I met with my mentor, Cindy, today and we talked for about an hour. This conversation was really helpful for me because I started to open up and she helped me reflect positively on the past week. I'm amazed at what a rollercoaster this internship has been so far...maybe it's just me... maybe it's just the effects of the birth control I started taking a month ago in preparation for getting married.... I've heard that stuff can mess you up....
Anyway, sorry if that was awkward for any of you.
The main purpose of this post is to offer encouragement to myself, and any who may read this. I feel much better today, and that feels wonderful.

It's Hard at Home

Alright, I don't want to write another post that feels kind of negative, my internship is actually going really well, but I'm running into some issues I should have anticipated but didn't.
You see, it is great to live at home. I love being able to see my family and friends, especially since this is really my last bit of time to live at home. The problem is, the way my family works in the summer is really really really not conducive to the goals I set for myself this summer. My mom doesn't really work during the school year, so at those times she is just like many other moms, cleaning the house and keeping things running. But in the summer she is SO busy with horse work that she doesn't have time to do Anything in the house. So, last summer it was my full time job to help her on the farm and keep the house in running order. And this summer, there is no one to do that job... but I still end up doing it because I just can't live with everything all crazy. So I work a full day, but then I have to come home and make dinner (which half the time no one comes in to eat until around 9:00) and clean up the house because no one else even puts their dishes in the dish washer.
I don't mind doing these things, I really don't, it's just that my goal was to slow my life down this summer. And now, it's like having another job on the side of a full time job and it's just causing a lot of stress for me at home right now because of my conflicting interests. I'm not really sure how to deal with this, because so far telling my mom that I can't do it has just caused a lot of angry bickering... and that's not what I wanted for my last summer at home either.
Good grief, it seems like stress follows me wherever I go - I think that means I'm the one causing it...
I'm just going to pray for peace and wisdom as I try to keep my family life healthy and learn from this internship. I appreciate you doing the same.

Reflection Time

Well, after finishing one complete week (including Sunday), I think it's appropriate to do some reflection and think about what I've learned...
The first thing I learned was that ministry work is not all worship time and deep, theological conversations. I knew that already, but not really. It is some of the time, and those times are my favorite, but there is so much busy work, meeting time, and administration that needs to be done. I think I got an extra large taste of it this week when they didn't know what else to have me do. In that regard, I think these first few weeks will be kind of like that.
Calvary has another internship program that they do on their own, but that doesn't start until the end of June, and I think in some ways they aren't sure what to do with me all the time until then. They planned a certain amount of work and meetings, but that only fills about half the week, so the rest of the time I walk around asking people what I can help with, write a lot of journals, and work on some reading. In some ways this is nice, but it often leaves me feeling a little lost and a little like I'm not doing anything worthwhile - I know that isn't true, but I'm sure you can relate. When the other interns start I'll get to do training things and mission work with them, but until then it's just kind of unclear. So, I guess prayers for that would be welcome.
On to the next thing I've learned. And this is a bit obvious, but I've learned that all ministry work is not the same. Different jobs require vastly different passions and skills, and I've seen a lot of them at work in the people I'm working with. Some of these skills and passions I find in myself, and others are just really not there. I was reminded of my gifts and passions for music this week with the joy I found doing the work that directly involved music. I was like, oh yeah, that's why I'm a music major! I sometimes wish I could do that stuff all the time, wouldn't that be wonderful.
Well, I guess those are my reflections for now. This is still really exciting, I pray that I can continue to settle in to this church and this position. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!