Alright, I don't want to write another post that feels kind of negative, my internship is actually going really well, but I'm running into some issues I should have anticipated but didn't.
You see, it is great to live at home. I love being able to see my family and friends, especially since this is really my last bit of time to live at home. The problem is, the way my family works in the summer is really really really not conducive to the goals I set for myself this summer. My mom doesn't really work during the school year, so at those times she is just like many other moms, cleaning the house and keeping things running. But in the summer she is SO busy with horse work that she doesn't have time to do Anything in the house. So, last summer it was my full time job to help her on the farm and keep the house in running order. And this summer, there is no one to do that job... but I still end up doing it because I just can't live with everything all crazy. So I work a full day, but then I have to come home and make dinner (which half the time no one comes in to eat until around 9:00) and clean up the house because no one else even puts their dishes in the dish washer.
I don't mind doing these things, I really don't, it's just that my goal was to slow my life down this summer. And now, it's like having another job on the side of a full time job and it's just causing a lot of stress for me at home right now because of my conflicting interests. I'm not really sure how to deal with this, because so far telling my mom that I can't do it has just caused a lot of angry bickering... and that's not what I wanted for my last summer at home either.
Good grief, it seems like stress follows me wherever I go - I think that means I'm the one causing it...
I'm just going to pray for peace and wisdom as I try to keep my family life healthy and learn from this internship. I appreciate you doing the same.
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Oh dear, that is very hard. It probably is true... not necessarily that you cause stress... but you allow it to have a place in you. Could you just fix a salad for yourself and not feel guilty if other people have to make their own food? We learned in parish nursing that you can always let go of a job... and someone else will take it up... and if no one does... then it wasn't that important in the first place!
ReplyDeleteBut anyway... sometimes just writing about it yourself is the best thing. We also learned in parish nursing that most people know the answers to their own questions and we don't need to give any answers.
So know that I'm praying :)